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  • Writer's pictureAlexis Duenkelsbuehler

15 Signs It's Toxic

Updated: Apr 17

Welcome to another listacle from yours truly and an homage to the first "15 Signs He isn't Prince Charming".


One thing is basic love and affection and another is showering you with exsesive compliments that will, at some point, feel like elated bullshit. Mostly because it is. And before you even think about it.... Free trips and gifts does not equal slaying 🤡 Learn from me you fool!!

2. They're into "Understanding People"

They have a weird fixation on psychology books, knowing what makes people "tick", classifying those around them and other "intellectual" pursuits.

3. Wine O'clock

Uhhhh ya know how most of us feel cute and funny after a glass or two? Not them. They just turn into an agro real housewife and blame it on alcohol being a "mood enhancer" .

4. They Hate Your Friends

Similar to point # 2, they've "psychoanalyzed" everyone you hang out with and therefore have an opinion about basically all of them, and let me tell you, it ain't fun. Soon you'll be asking them to sign a permission slip just so you can hang with the homies.

5. He Meddles

By this I don't mean the occasional unsolicited opinion, I know a thing or two about those ;) but I do mean the almost extravgent reaches to create problems or tension between you and the people you love. It almost feels like he graduated from Le Cordon Bleu, the way he stirs that pot.

6. Past?

You can't tell if they're being weirdly vague about their history or what. Either way, they play up the victim card and have you empathathizing with them faster than you can say "RUN"...

7. The Math Doesn't Math

They say one thing but do another. Like, their mom needs to be put into a 21,000 euro rehabilitation center and tell you that they needs to save up and sell a few of their assets. 1 week later they're inviting you on a 4 day trip to Greece, then buying you an over-the-top engagement ring? Again, this is just another hypothetical that is in no way real and is purely for educational purposes... Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

8. Say Cheese!

You might say it's a stretch but take a look at all of the photos you have together. Now pay attention to who is looking at who. Is it you looking at them, as they look straight into the camera? Like uhhh... who is the picture for here buddy?

Also people who take selfies for everything kinda feel like a redflag to me idk.

9. They have an answer for EVERYTHING

Did you ask them for details about that super vague story they gave you or maybe just wanted an apology for something they did? Then let me introduce you to their EVERYTHING BOX. Where the math doesn't math but boy do the reasons feel like they reason. Examples include:


Lack of ownership

Blaming others for their circumstance

Whack stories

Really everything except rainbowns and unicorns. Sad times.

10. They lie about their height

It seems silly, but if they lie about their height, then what's next? I mean, we can litteraly measure you. Where do you get the audacity??? Never mind. Don't answer that. I don't even want to know anymore.

11. Future Faking

"But I'm going to sacrifce everythiiiing for you, why won't you do this for meeeee."

Babes, they have sacrificed nothing. They've only said they will. Meanwhile you're expected to pay upfront??

12. Guilt Tripping

The second you hit them with a boundary their comeback is: "So you're saying you can't do X for me when I'm litterally going to change my whole world for you?!"

Like no boo boo, my limits are staying. Thank you.

13. Mandated Calls

Someone who wants and demands time with you, might sound sweet at first, until you find yourself stressing the fuck out on how you're going to keep them happy and also somehow manage to be a fully functioning human with feelings outside your relationship with them.

14. Oliver Twist Much?

'Nuff said

15. Last, but not least...

Your stoopid gut says something is off. Ugh. Goodbye delulu land and hello ugly (but necessary) trululu.

I don't know, listen to it. It could saves you a whole lotta pain and in some cases, legal expenses * cough cough .

Forever and always,

Not Your Therapist

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